It's hard to ask for what I need (in every aspect of my life)

What do you do when everything looks good on the outside but on the inside you are falling apart? What do you do when you feel like everything is happening to you and all you can do is take it? When you obeyed God but it feels like things are getting harder and not easier? When you're both grateful for the blessing (my house) but also feel burdened by the blessing (bills! and every house project).

I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, which is why I am using this space to write out my hearts cry. I don't feel like I can just cry and not have it all together... I feel pressured to figure it out. But why? (QTNA)

I wrote my second book the Broken Hearted Strong Friend and then never really said anything about it. I wrote it, edited it, published it, but didn't make a big splash about it. My friends made put an event to celebrate the book release and I was genuinely excited about the event... until I saw the ticket sales.

It's hard to ask for what I need because I feel like I'm the "show up and do friend" but when it comes to me, I don't always feel shown up for. BUT that's also a very pessimistic view of life and the people God has given us. Did I want more people to show up and support me and the book release, yes. Am I grateful for each amazing person that did show up? YES! Can I have both of those feelings in my heart at the same time, yes... but what story do I tell myself over and over again? (ps. it's the 'no one shows up for me' one)

So, it's hard to ask for what I need. Well, today I hit my bottom. All I could say over and over again was "Lord, I need help."

I need dental work done, that's $1,600. My HVAC needed a repair, $700. I need to replinsh my savings (that's where I took the $700 from). I need to pay off my credit card that's $7,000. And I can't wait to pay off Hollie, my car and that's $5,000.

It's not just money, it's the piece (and peace) of mind that comes when you don't have such large amounts of debt hanging over your head. It's the praise and shout that comes when you tell people what God did. It's the depth of prayer you go into because YOU know what God has brought you out of and through.

It's me asking God, "can we talk about anything else besides finances?" And there was a season when we did... but now we're back. And, I need help! His help, more specifically.

I was talking with a friend and she said she doesn't want to feel like she's begging God... I told her, "then don't". Don't beg. Just ask. And then wait for Him to answer. If God hasn't spoken yet, don't put Him on your timeline. That won't work out well for you... you'll be more disappointed and more upset with Him (which he can handle) but it'll crush your spirit.

Do what babies do, ask and expect, because to babies, their daddy has any and every thing they could ever ask for... so does your heavenly father. I give you permission to enter back into your toddler years.

So, I challenge you-as I challenge myself- to truly ask God for what you need and ask him to place on your heart anything that you may be missing. Then, you can pray it back to Him.

You got this! We got this! (We got this, right?)

Nah, for real...send help!

And I promise I'm opening my heart to receive ALL that God is sending me-help in all forms is welcome!

You are not alone... ever. This journey isn't easy, so let's take it together!

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